I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
