It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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