I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
