Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
