Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
