I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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