You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
