You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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