Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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