im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
