He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
