You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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