Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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