I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
