I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
