he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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