I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Why is your signature on my underwear?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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