i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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