Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
