and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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