well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
