he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
