All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
