I cannot find my penis.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
