i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Is it because I queefed?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
