I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
