Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize