He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
