I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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