Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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