it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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