not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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