I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
