I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
