You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hippo gnu deer
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
