Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
