ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
