Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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