BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
