Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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