My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got inside last night via doggy door
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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