bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
