last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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