this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
