I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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