it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
