Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
