I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
