That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
