we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize