don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
