listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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