is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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