We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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