i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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