I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
