I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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