I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
