Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
