It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
