You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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