She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I want her autograph on my taint
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
