Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
