do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
