i already hear my dad disowning me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
