I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
