dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
