glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She's like a pop up book from hell.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
