he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
