...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
being pregnant is like rehab
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize