Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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