What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
