She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
