i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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