Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
